The Friendly Toast

A short while ago I stumbled down to The Friendly Toast, located in North Andover, MA. Accompanying me on this dining trip of leisure were my associates, Emily Nichols, Madison Lamarre, and Nicholas "Nicky Yayo" Dolan.

Emily, Madison, Nicky Yayo and myself ready to teach this breakfast some manners. You can tell 6 years have passed because Nick now has a mustache. 

Outside view of the Friendly Toast

A couple weeks ago at a casual soiree, I overheard my associates Nicky Yayo and Madison whispering to one another about this place called "The Friendly Toast." My other associate, Emily, inquired what they were being so secretive about, but I already knew the answer before they could open their mouths. "The Friendly Toast is a scratch kitchen and bar known for their creative menu, one-of-a-kind drinks, and nostalgia on shuffle-mode. A new school chain-diner with an emphasis on adult beverages." I interjected. Silence from shock had befallen the room. After six (6) years of not eating breakfast, I threw down the gauntlet in front of thousands of people. The Breakfast Blog is back for another serving. Fear not. The prod.. the progidal.... my son returns.

For those of you keeping score at home, this is the first gif EVER used on The Breakfast Blog. You're crazy if you didn't think I was coming off a 6 year break throwing heat high and inside. 

                                      

If you're like me, you knew for certain that gif's (like the one above) were created in 1987 and definitely not in the span of years between 2017-2023. Only an absolute moron would ever think something like that. 

Nicky Yayo and Emily getting jazzed up for all-day brunch and bar. No one likes drinking more than these two when they get the ball rolling.

The world is changed. I feel it in the water. I feel it in the earth. I smell it in the air. Since my last blog post I have grown wise and humble beyond my years. This hiatus allotted me time to ponder about time as it passed me by. If time were to be a flat circle, What is now, always has been, and always will be, along with every other moment in time. One could call this a re-re-return to the blog, however in my eyes this was always going to happen, happened already, and is happening right now. If this is the case, what am I actually returning from? If you're curious about this concept of time you can study it further  in the books, "Story of Your Life" and "True Detective: Season 1"

Matthew McConaughey (Not everything is going to be a gif now, I don't care what year it is)

Anyways, after the soiree I set out on my quest to find out how Friendly this Toast really was.

ATMOSPHERE

Upon entering The Friendly Toast, it was clear they weren't fucking around with the random-nostalgia theme. Normally, I'm a bit adverse to this. To me, it usually comes off as lazy. Not every diner needs a theme, and for some reason throwing a bunch of old shit on the wall and pawning it off as décor is a pandemic affecting diners  across America. However, I must admit I didn't mind the scenery inside the Friendly Toast. The random mannequins, statues, and board games splattered across the kelly green walls really got you in the mood to eat a lot of food and drink a lot of drinks.

Another pleasant addition to the layout was the ample room in the waiting area, which is something that is often overlooked at busy diners. There's nothing worse than being cramped in a small space with strangers, while hungry. A relaxed dining experience can quickly turn into a true test of one's patience. Luckily, Emily, Nick, Madison, and myself went on a day that was not too busy, so I didn't have to put the waiting area to the test. Fair warning, this diner is across the street from Merrimack College (One of my many alma maters. Go Warriors.). Being a convenient location for young people to start day drinking could spell big wait times if you're not careful. It isn't something I experienced, but definitely something to be cognizant of when making plans to visit.

Overall the atmosphere gets a pass from me.

Counter/Bar Seating 

Madison unable to contain her excitement from all of the zany wall decorations, along with Nick who decided he wanted to match the inside of the diner. Also featured: The back of Emily's head.

Mannequin waiting to greet you at the door along with The Hulk's dismembered head hanging from the ceiling as a stark reminder of what could have happened had Thanos been successful in his endeavors.

Inside view of the diner. Guy in red living the High Life

Nick and Madison working hard to solve the maze

Nick showing off his creativity

             

SERVICE

Like I mentioned earlier my visit to the friendly toast seemed like a fairly quiet day for them, so the service wasn't under any real stress at any point. That being said, that's not their fault, and I've sometimes received some of the worst service experiences on slow days. The waiter/waitress almost gets put into a lull and kind of forgets you're there. it happens, but not at the friendly toast.

Our waitress was absolutely wonderful. Unfortunately I forgot to write down her name, but I'm fairly certain her name was either Stephanie or Trish. Either way she was on the ball. She made great drink and food recommendations, and checked in on us enough while not being overbearing. She even noticed we had ordered a few adult beverages and suggested a local concerts that she was thinking about attending when her shift was over if we wanted to keep the party rocking. I've never really watched the show, "Friends" but she reminded me of Phoebe even though I don't really know her character, or Stephanie/Trish for that matter. Just something that I picked up on. Either way, Stephanie/Trish put on a masterclass and made it look effortless. Service gets a 9.8/10.

Stephanie/Trish, Emily, and Myself. My last blog I made a promise to not miss out on the pic with our server. A Lannister always repays his debts.

Phoebe from "Friends"

BREAKFAST AND A MOVIE

This is a new section I'm going to try and incorporate in each blog going forward. I like movies a lot so I thought I'd give a quick review of a movie I watched around the time of my breakfast trip. The movie I'm going with for this blog is, Avatar: The Way of Water. In this sequel to the original Avatar, Jake Sully lives with his newfound family formed on the extrasolar moon Pandora. Once a familiar threat returns to finish what was previously started, Jake must work with Neytiri and the army of the Na'vi race to protect their home. The movie is a must see in theaters. If you're unable to do that it will greatly take away from this movie. Without the amazing visual effects it comes down to a basic plot that is a futuristic parallel to European explorers finding and seizing land in the Americas from Native populations. One thing I am glad they improved upon was the nature in which they connected with the mountain banshees( the flying spirit animals). In the first movie it came off as a little too forceful for my liking with how they connected tails, but in this sequel it seemed like a much more sensual experience for both the Na'vi and Ilu (water spirit animals). I get they wanted to make the process similar it to breaking a horse but the forced ponytail connection was still a little weird in the first one. Either way, I enjoyed Avatar: The Way of Water and thought it was pretty good, however I don't know if I would have enjoyed it as much watching at home. I would say this movie requires a 3D, 4K Theater to get the full effect.

Jake Sully taming his Ilu in Avatar: The Way of Water

FOOD

Now the moment you've all been waiting for, the food.

To start, we ordered drinks. A much different fold from my previous blogs is that I am now able to legally order alcoholic beverages anywhere I so please. I also believe the best drink option if you're going to be having a "boozy brunch" is a Bloody Mary. A classic drink that will get you're day started with a kick, that can be paired with almost any meal. I understand some people may not enjoy them, and that's fine. Do I disagree? Whole heartedly. Do I believe people who don't like Bloody Mary's often look for the easy route in life? Also yes. However, everyone is entitled to their own opinion and I can respect that. Just don't come up to me after reading this and tell me how you disagree and think they're gross. I'll save you the time and tell you right here. I don't fucking care. 

I ordered a Bloody Mary flight, and it was absolutely delightful. Each sip took my tastebuds on a wild ride through a spicy and invigorating excursion. Four Bloody Mary's. One classic, and three with The Friendly Toast putting a spin on it. My favorite was a toss up between the classic and the spicy version they had to offer called the Hot Maria. The other versions, the Maple Bacon Bloody and the Pickle Bloody, were both delicious as well, however the Classic and Spicy had exactly what I was looking for. My only knock on the flight was I would like bigger portions. Only two sips of each drink left me wanting more, however I understand that is the spirit of getting a flight. Emily went with a regular sized Pickle Bloody, and described it as savory, sour from the pickle, and smokey from the pepper.

Nick also got a flight but his were spiked coffee drinks, which he also thoroughly enjoyed and would recommend to anyone.

It was also interesting to watch different strategies of how people attack their flight (probably could've worded that better). Nick went through and tried each drink before ranking them, and saving the best to finish last. I on the other hand choose at random and do not taste a new one until I have finished the one I am currently drinking.

Madison ordered a Diet Coke and was happy with it.

 

Emily enjoying her Pickle Bloody

The Bloody Mary and Spiked Coffee Flights

Madison and her Diet Coke

After polishing off my bloody mary flight I felt like I could run through a brick wall, and wanted a meal that would carry that same energy through the remainder of my visit, and maybe even the rest of the day. After much deliberation I went with the chicken and waffles. A classic dish that I regrettably have not had much experience with in the past, but a great breakfast may be waiting for you one step out of your comfort zone. With that in mind, I dove right in and was immediately rewarded for my breakfast boldness. The chicken was a great consistency. Crispy but not burnt on the outside, and not too dry on the inside, dipped in some sort of honey chipotle sauce. Fluffy waffles with corn and red onions offered an interesting yet tasteful mix that kept me coming back for more. This paired with another bloody mary flight kept my taste buds guessing the entire meal, in the best way possible.

Chicken & Waffles (The second flight I adopted Nick's style of trying each one before finishing)

Emily opted for the Friendly Toast Benny, or in other words, Eggs Benedict. She considers herself an Eggs Benedict connoisseur and orders one whenever she gets breakfast. Normally I like to promote trying something new, however if you have a go to and enjoy it, who am I to stop you from getting after it. Eggs Benedict is also a great benchmark meal when judging a diner's competency. Emily's initial thoughts were the ham was a bit fatty (I personally think the fat on ham and steak offers the most taste and disagree with this part of her take), and the English muffins were a bit on the raw side, however the eggs themselves were cooked perfectly. She also noted the home fries were okay, and not seasoned as much as they could have been. Emily's first trip with the Breakfast Blog was successful. Sometimes its easy to get carried away with the excitement of going to get breakfast and letting it cloud your judgement, but she made sure to give an honest review, while still giving The Friendly Toast their flowers.

Emily showcasing her Friendly Toast Benny

Nick went with the Monster Breakfast, which was comprised of two pieces of French toast, to pieces of bacon, two eggs, and home fries. Nick loved his meal through and through. "The french toast was amazing and interchangeable with pancakes, but I was in a French toast mood that day. Both are fire." He went on to describe the eggs as, "on par with anywhere else you would get eggs" and raved about the unique bacon. "It's a happy medium for everyone. Those who like crispy bacon won't be disappointed, but it is thick enough to give you the feel of a Canadian bacon hybrid." Nicky Yayo's ability to take an otherwise normal breakfast meal and be able to break it down in such detail is why he's a recurring guest and trusted associate here on the Breakfast Blog.

Nick giving the Monster Breakfast a thumbs up, and the right half of Madison's body

Madison went the untraditional route and ordered the Churro Bites. This consisted of Crispy fried doughnut pieces tossed in cinnamon & sugar, topped with creamy cheesecake glaze & chocolate drizzle, served with strawberry habanero jam. I wasn't able to reach Madison for comment do to time constraints, but I'm fairly confident she enjoyed them. She was also generous enough to share with the table. To me, it was the perfect desert to finish off your meal. Sweet and filling. Very rarely is there more than one course for breakfast, but when the opportunity presents itself, it can be something special.

Madison excited to show off her Churro Bites and Diet Coke

All in all, I had a great experience at The friendly Toast. They exceeded all of my expectations as a chain diner. The food was above average, the service was great, and the atmosphere was pretty good to. If you're looking for a traditional breakfast diner experience, I would say you may be better off looking else where as this place givers off a different type of energy with the alcoholic drinks in play. The bill was a little pricey but a boozy brunch will always sneak up on you price wise if you're doing it right.

The Friendly Toast: Great Chain Diner & Brunch Spot

The Shawsheen Luncheonette

A long time ago, in a town far, far away, I ventured out to The Shawsheen Luncheonette, located in Andover, MA. Joining me on this tasking conquest for the most nutritious breakfast in the galaxy were my associates Janavi Patel and Radha (also spelled RadHa) Patel. I am still unaware whether or not they are in fact, related.

(From Right to Left) Janavi, Radha, and myself anxiously awaiting our chance to get down on our knees and... ask this breakfast to spend the rest of its life with us.

Heading into this trip, I knew nothing about the Shawsheen Luncheonette other than the fact that Boston Bruins Legend Ray Bourque once received a DUI in front of it (I received this fun fact from my associate Julie Gormly). Other than that, I didn't even know it existed. Radha and Janavi however, swear by it. This being said I was a little hesitant about going forward with this blog. I had no clue what the Patel girls were getting me into. Pictures of Michael Scott partying at Diwali with Kelly Kapoor's family came to mind. (If you're unfamiliar with The Office, find a new rock to live under that has cable/Netflix). Would I be Michael Scott dancing the night away at a party I was loosely invited to, only to win the hearts of everyone there? I stopped day dreaming, started practicing The Garba, and booked Janavi and RadHa an appointment with Bacon, Eggs, and Passion to find out.

Michael Scott enjoying Diwali

Outside/Street view of the front of the Shawsheen Luncheonette. Ray Bourque received a DUI right where I was standing to take this picture, probably.

Ex-Bruin Ray Bourque

ATMOSPHERE

From the time I sat down at Shawsheen, to the time I walked out after the meal, I had no clue what the theme here was. There were funny little nick-nacks scattered around the diner, along with really cheesy motivational and sassy quotes splattered all over the walls. On top of this, the motivational quotes looked like someone just printed word documents off their computer and framed them. It was almost as if the owner found a teenage girl and her grandmother and told them to decorate it however they liked. It was a cross between Tumblr (the more appropriate and lame part of Tumblr) and grandma's weekly craft club meeting. Absolute mess. Similar to a diner I reviewed in the earlier days of The Breakfast Blog (Nan's Cafe) but not done as well. It seemed lazy here.

The waiting area was also extremely small. One of my first impressions was that this place must be good because it was absolutely packed. So you'd think there would be more waiting room space right? Wrong. I found myself sitting on the curb outside for 10 minutes waiting to be seated, because some guy who apparently has never heard of a little thing called personal hygiene or personal space decided to bring his family out for breakfast (Luckily it was 102 fucking degrees outside.) I'm not faulting Shawsheen for their smelly customer, they can't control that. However, I will fault them for the poor planning on the waiting area. Overall thoughts.. crowded. I like having a little elbow room when I eat. The atmosphere gets an, "ehh" from me.

Picture of the small wall dividing the dining area and waiting area,  featuring smelly dad sneaking in on the left

Panoramic view of the inside of The Shawsheen Luncheonette 

Odd statue of an old woman holding a sign, bragging about her sexy children.

Custom Shawsheen Luncheonette clock, but not a reliable source of telling time, as it does not have number.

Giant sign reminding everyone that you should eat.

"Dream Big"

A father and son duo enjoying their breakfast tradition, going to Shawsheen's every Saturday morning.

Hall of fame of cheesy quotes. (Except for the random "United We Stand" quote) Zoom in for motivation and enlightenment.

Some advice for bad parents

Sassy

An attempt at a picture of the back wall of the diner with part of Janavi's face

Janavi's face now completely blocking a picture I was attempting to take of the back wall of the diner

SERVICE

Upon entering The Shawsheen Luncheonette, it was very obvious to me this was Andover's hot spot. This place was serving a packed house. There was even a table of popular High Schoolers sitting right in the middle of the diner who were all sporting Andover High School apparel that I was to intimidated to take a picture of. With all of these people the servers were giving 100% for the whole work day. I mean absolutely sprinting around this diner like a bunch chickens with their heads cut off. (When I read "chickens" out loud it didn't sound right to me. I wasn't sure if "chicken" was an irregular or regular plural noun. You know like, "many chickens" or "many chicken" kind of like the word "fish" or "sheep." Turns out its regular. Chickens.) In all of the chaos I failed at my attempts of snapping a picture of our waitress. She was simply moving to fast, and I do not possess a military grade camera that can capture something like that (2 references from The Office in one blog. Don't let me get in my zone... I'm definitely in my zone). From what I remember however, she was very pleasant, knew the menu front to back, and brought out the correct food in a timely fashion. All that while dealing with the pressure from surrounding customers, I'll give the service an A.

By the way, for those of you keeping score at home, I know this is two blogs in a row where I didn't get a picture of the servers. I promise I'll be better moving forward.

A decapitated chicken

ATTEMPTING TO PLAN THIS BREAKFAST

As I said before, accompanying me during this meal were the Patel girls, but what you don't know is there was supposed to be a fourth associate in the line up that fateful day in Andover. That's right, a fourth musketeer. This rogue musketeer goes by the name of Zachary Maia, or as I call him, Zach. Zach, Janavi, RadHa, and I all shared a psychology class way back in the day and this was set to be a reunion of sorts. These screenshots show how this breakfast trip came to be.

To start, we created a group chat with the four of us to coordinate schedules to find a day we could all go for breakfast.

RadHa telling me there's no way I get in trouble for not showing up to my job, and Janavi being difficult.

Janavi finally deciding to be a little flexible.

Zach, Janavi, and RadHa bragging about how they don't eat meat.

Zach breaking the bad news to the group the day of.

Now, from reading these texts, it is very obvious Zach is a rock climber who attends The University of Vermont, while RadHa and Janavi are also both vegetarians due to their religion. Being a very average guy who eats meat, I'm kind of the odd man out in this group. However, while this group chat was happening, another began to take form. The Patel sisters had some things to say... (these conversations were going on simultaneously)

RadHa and Janavi not being very polite.

Me, talking the talk, and walking the walk.

To this day, I am confused by the relationship between Zach, and The Patel's. Always toeing the line between being friends who are, "just joshing around" to straight up bullying. Either way, I'm always happy to play the guy in the middle who airs out the dirty laundry for a thrill when he gets bored. Really no downside to it. Also don't know if you're really detail oriented, but if you noticed the battery life on my phone, you can tell I'm an absolute wild man. Two group chats going while living on the edge with 1% better life left? Not to mention I probably didn't have a charger on hand because I am often ill-prepared for things? I'm just a Daredevil without a cause, looking for a thrill. 

FOOD

Now for the moment you've all been waiting for. The main event. The food. Based on my Breakfast Expertise, I'd say The Shawsheen Luncheonette's food is their strong suit. So without further ado, let's start with drinks.

RadHa went with the simple coffee. She's one of those people who, "can't function without coffee." In my opinion I think people who say this need to chill out a bit, but that's just my opinion. Anyways, coffee for breakfast is an average yet acceptable choice. RadHa said it was pretty good.

Janavi went a different route than Radha. She ordered hot chocolate. Mind you, it was around 102 degrees outside that day so this was a pretty fucking insane move. However she says she orders it every time she goes out for breakfast, and I respect a good tradition that is upheld, even in the most inclement weather.

Being someone who hates coffee, my plan for the future is to order hot chocolate before work every morning and pretend its coffee to look adult-like. I haven't yet decided on a substitute for hot summer days. Maybe just water. Despite the heat, Janavi enjoyed her hot cocoa.

I decided to get a little crazy and try something new. I ordered a cup of Organic Acai Juice. (I don't know how to type in the special c on my computer.) Advertised as, "a superfood from the amazon" I was nervous yet excited. I was truly listening to Lou Reed's advice and taking a walk on the wild side. The taste was like no other I had before, so it is hard to describe, but it gets 3 thumbs up from me. After just one sip I felt reinvigorated. My blood was pumping, and my senses were sharpened. I could feel oxygen entering and leaving my muscles. Very similar to the effects of cocaine but from a healthier source.

Organic Acai Juice from the amazons of Columbia

 Just a few seconds ago, I called Janavi, "fucking insane" for ordering hot chocolate on a boiling summer's day, but I too was feeling some type of way.

Scanning the menu, I was in the mood for an omelet. I usually go with a meat lovers omelet, but I had already ordered my Organic Acai Juice, so I wanted to shake it up even more. My eyes fell upon The Ghost Pepper Omelet. Now according to pepperhead.com the Ghost Pepper is currently ranked the 7th hottest pepper in the world. I was unaware of this fact at the time of this breakfast.

All I will say is thank god for my Organic Acai Juice, because had it not been there, I would have had a heat stroke. This Omelet was, for lack of better words, super fucking hot. However, mixed with chili, this omelet wasn't just their for show, to brag about how hot it was; It also had taste to it. After getting used to the extreme heat, I thoroughly enjoyed every bite of it. I was also baffled how they figure out how to solidify the chili enough, to get it to neatly stay in the omelet. I guess it was just the magic of the ghost pepper. After finishing, I felt a need for more heat. There was a fiery passion, scorching deep with in my soul to find more sizzling hot peppers to stick in my mouth. After breakfast I decided this wasn't just a phase I would out grow. I hopped in my Toyota Highlander and set out for my first Jalepeno eating contest at Seabrook Beach. Having never eaten straight up Jalepeno's before, I did not fair well, but it's the effort that counts. The ghost pepper omelet got me addicted to the heat, and it's an addiction I don't wanna beat. (It was also delicious and I highly recommend it.)

Me, unaware my life was about to be changed by The Ghost Pepper Omelet

Me, holding up my participation ribbon and second place trophy in The Annual Seabrook Beach Jalepeno Eating Contest

RadHa ordered a vegetarian omelet. When I asked her how it was I could not help but notice the pain and sorrow in RadHa's eyes as she was about to speak. I could tell that deep down inside, she no longer wanted to be a vegetarian. She longed for meat. I felt selfish in not offering her some of mine, but I think in the end, it would have been too hot anyways. Quietly she said , "It's pretty good."

RadHa's breakfast. A veggie omelet, coffee, hash browns, and toast.

Janavi ordered m&m pancakes, which at first I was skeptical of because why not just skip the hard m&m shell and just got with the classic chocolate chip pancakes? But she insisted that these were better. She allowed me to have a bite, and I was pleasantly surprised. I will not venture off to say they are better than the classic chocolate chip, but I will say they are on the same tier. Janavi's breakfast didn't seem to have much nutritional value to it. A lot of chocolate and batter, and that was about it. Hat's off to her for getting outside the box on both aspects of her breakfast though.

Janavi showcasing her breakfast along with her tongue.

The Shawsheen Luncheonette was very good food wise. Service wise as well. The atmosphere was ehh in my book, but go see for yourself, as everyone has different tastes for what environment they enjoy eating in. One aspect of this diner that stuck out to me was the bill. For me, this diner was a little pricey. Not insane, but definitely a little pricier than average. My drink alone was $3.50. Now, was the food worth the money paid? I'll give a hard maybe. So if you're planning on going out to eat a day in advance, this is a great spot to sit down and have a bite. If you're looking for a cheap breakfast to stop in on short notice, you may want to look elsewhere. With all of this being said, The Shawsheen Luncheonette still has my blessing as a good diner.

The Shawsheen Luncheonette: Good Diner (I need to come up with a more specific way to give my final rating. If you have any ideas please let me know.)

Deli King

On a date undisclosed to the public, I made a trip to The Deli King Restaurant, located in Tewksbury, MA. Joining me on this journey to find inner piece with the breakfast gods were my associates, Alec Espinola, Matthew Leighton (who will also be referred to as Leightonemore), and Kenneth Trott.

(From left to right) Kenneth, Leightonemore, Alec, and myself ready to tie this breakfast to the bedposts and show it a good time.

Guess who's back, back, back. Back again. I'm back, back, back. Tell a friend. Guess who's back. Guess who's back. (If you couldn't tell, I quoted Eminem's hit song, "Without Me"  a bit there. I used it to introduce the re-return of Bacon, Eggs, and Passion. The best jokes are the ones you have to explain.)

Leading up to this trip, my associates Matthew and Alec were talking my ear off about The Deli King. So, one day on the basketball courts, after turning Alec's ankles into jelly while bumping Wiz Khalifer's, "Bake Sale" through the stereo, I decided to squeeze them into my busy schedule and made them an appointment with Bacon, Eggs, and Passion. I had to see if this Deli was the "King" of anything, or if they sat upon a throne of lies.

Eminem

ATMOSPHERE

Upon walking into The Deli King, my immediate thought was, "Whoa, this place is Italian as fuck." Like almost too Italian. Out of the four guys cooking behind the counter, 3 of them were named Vinny, and the fourth was named Rocco. This place was 100% a front for the Italian Mob, and you cannot convince me otherwise. "Maybe it's just a nice diner run by an Italian family Aidan." Please. I am as woke as they come. The dim lights in this diner were not to allow more natural sunlight to come in through the windows, but to make it nearly impossible to confirm any one's identity to the police or a certain cousin. If any family owned this diner it was the Corleone's (If you don't know this name watch, "The Godfather" for me one time.) Another huge red flag is that this place is CASH ONLY (ATM available in restaurant). Really? How more obvious can you be? I wouldn't have been the slightest bit surprised if a fight between a biker gang and a group of well dressed Italian Men broke out (That's a reference from, "A Bronx Tail." If you haven't seen a lot of classic mob movies, this is going to be a confusing part of the blog for you.) Part of me thinks Alec may be connected to whoever was running this whole bamboozle based on the light-cocoa tint of his skin, but I can neither confirm or deny this.  Kenneth, being the Orange-Headed Irishman that he is, was receiving dirty looks left and right. With all of this being said, I was keeping my head on a swivel. Being the King of Breakfast, I can see why people may want to come after me, and I don't plan on getting whacked any time soon.

Aside from all of this, the Italian's also have very sophisticated taste. The atmosphere at this place was exquisite yet simple, and warrants two thumbs up from me.

Poorly lit panoramic view of The Deli King

The Deli King Prides themselves on the good feedback of the locals, as well as a clean bill of health

Kenny admiring The Deli King's many accolades

Deli King booths with a great view of the street, maybe to see if any unwanted visitors have a certain agenda...

Leightonemore contemplating what he will stuff in his face hole

Action shot of Alec pointing out his meal of choice

                           

The Corleone Family

A Bronx Tale

SERVICE

The Deli King is unlike traditional diners, where the service you get are the cooks. You get in line, order your food, and then pay at the register. You then seat yourself. Cafeteria style. Only thing I noticed about the "service" was, like I said earlier, everyone was Italian. Not even a Greek guy pretending to be Italian. I'm talking "Having a poorly done Italian flag tattoo" Italian. That's it. One comment Leightonemore made about the service is how they treat everyone equally in that, "You could come up in here blasted on PCP and they'd serve us just the same." Nothing else to be said for service.

A questionably placed tattoo of Italy. 

I google image searched, "PCP Users" to give my readers awareness on why you shouldn't do PCP and the only person who came up was Ex-Patriot TE Aaron Hernandez.

PAINTING

They say a picture is worth a thousand words, and this immaculate portrait placed above our booth had a lot to say. I've always felt I've had a special connection to art ever since I watched the first 15 minutes of The DaVinci Code and changed the station to watch South Park. Needless to say, this masterpiece had a lot to say. It is not even paralleled by those of Van Gogh and Banksy. Just by one look, I could tell this work was rich in history. It also takes a very mature set of eyes and mindset to truly appreciate art of such magnitude in this oily scenery, so while I break down this work for you, viewer discretion is advised.

"The Town Of Progress" painted by Frank

The first part of this painting that stuck out to me was the appearance of The Secretariat's father, The Accountant. That's right, The Accountant is the father of the Triple-Crown champion, The Secretariat. The cart The Accountant is hitched to is towing the seed that will one day flourish into a champion. It is also towing milk, which you can imagine became confusing and is a recipe for a disaster, which would also explain the look of distress on the milk man's face. Imagine, one wrong, thick, stringy gulp, and The Secretariat would have never made history that fateful day at the Belmont Stakes.

The Accountant, The Milk Man, and millions of little Secretariats waiting for "the big race"

Next we have the Fairgrounds General Store. This historical store was the first in its class, in that it was the first place in the world where condoms were made available for purchase. It started the Birth Control Movement of 1436, but by doing this, the store had to publicly secede from The Church of Eden (depicted in the left of the painting) which later evolved to become the first Church of Scientology in Tewksbury in 1516.

Fairgrounds General Store made practicing safe sex, safe. Old witch craft and satanic rituals were preformed before coitus to prevent pregnancy before said movement.

Tewksbury Church of Scientology

If you look to the far right building in this oily masterpiece you will find the law offices of Berny Feinstein. These offices were established in 64 B.C. specializing in work-injury compensation, and wrongfully placed vaginal-mesh, that could tear and lead to Mesothelioma. Fun Fact: These law offices are still operating today. If you feel you have been wronged in anyway, contact Burny Feinstein's law group at 1-978-407-1863.

The tree peaking up next to the law offices also has bark full of rich history. It is a special Dogwood Tree, only found in Tewksbury, Massachusetts. Below this particular Dogwood is where the Tewksbury Witch Trials of 2003 were held. Many wicken and wrongfully accused sorcerers were hung from the farthest right branch, and still haunt the streets of Tewksbury to this day.

Law offices of Birny Feinstein. It's your money and you need it now.

Haunted Dogwood Tree

FOOD

Now the moment you've all been chomping at the bit for, the meal. In this section, I always like to start with the drinks.

Alec, Leightonemore, and I all started with the classic breakfast beverage, Orange Juice. Now, unless you get O J, chocolate milk, coffee, or water (for expense purposes) as your drink, I immediately judge you. That is the Holy Trinity of Breakfast Beverages right there and to break that Trinity just shows what kind of person you are (a shitty one). The only person I try not to judge is Kenneth because he has a condition that if he doesn't have soda with every meal of the day he will vomit and die. Ironically this condition is also causing Kenneth to vomit and die, but in a slower fashion. The Deli King also serves beer, which is a little aggressive, but I looked inward and thought, "Sometimes aggression is a necessary thing." Beer could one day find itself into the holy breakfast beverage trinity. I'd have to be talked into it. Anyways this Orange Juice was immaculate. Alec told me the Oranges were freshly picked from their family Gardens on the shores of Sicily, and sailed directly to The Deli King. Before my first sip I wasn't sure but after just one gulp, I was positive this was Sicilian Orange Juice.

Kenneth said his coke tasted normal.

A lot of alcohols in a cooler. Looks to be a sufficient amount for about 75 people.

Now Alec and Leightonemore had been talking big game about the Deli King's signature breakfast sandwich, "The Boot King" so I felt obligated to see what the scuttlebutt was all about. I ordered it with extra bacon and a side of chocolate chip pancakes. I ordered the pancakes because right before getting in line, Leightonemore pulled me aside behind a plant so no one could see us and whispered in my ear, "The pancakes are fire. Fire like Firestone Tires." I was intrigued, anxious, and alarmed all at the same time, so I pulled the trigger on the pancakes, and found myself on edge until sitting down at the booth. Alec and Kenneth followed suit with their own variations of the pancakes (blueberry and BANANA). Leightonemore was not as hungry, and was pleased with just a Boot King. 

Now, as you know I don't hand out compliments lightly, but this had to be the best breakfast sandwich I've ever had in my life. I mean, whoa. The Italians know what they're doing when it comes to pimping out a simple breakfast sandwich. To start, the bacon was cooked to perfection. Not to crisp, and not to stringy, just how I like it. Very Goldilocks-Baby-Bear-Porridge-Esque. The next flavor to rush into my mouth were the eggs. Two of them. Fried how the gods intended. (Now I'm normally a scrambled egg guy, but asking the waitress/waiter/chef to throw scrambled eggs on a breakfast sandwich is a serial killer move, and if I ever witness anyone do it, they shouldn't be surprised when I stop answering their texts.) And then when you think its over, the home fries perform an all out blitzkrieg on your taste buds and remind you to never give up on your dreams, no matter how unrealistic they may seem. By the time this happens, all three elements of the sandwich are swirling around, mid-orgy in your mouth like a sexual washing machine. I was left speechless and satisfied. So satisfied actually, that I don't have much recollection of eating my chocolate chip pancakes. I don't remember them ruining my meal though, so they must have been pretty good.

Kenneth accounted for his banana pancakes (which also caused me to gain a bit of re2pect for him, because a banana pancake is a ballsy order, one that I don't make lightly and on a whim.) and said they tasted great.

My meal

Alec looking excited to delve into his meal.

Leightonemore could barely hold in his smile before feasting.

Kenny just happy to be apart of The Deli King experience.

Overall, my experience at The Deli King was a great one, and I'm not being threatened to say that while being fitted with cement shoes either. The cafeteria style threw me off at first, and I thought, "Oh god, please don't be like The Dream Diner" but I was very pleased with my experience. Another awesome thing about The Deli King is the $$$. By far one of the cheapest breakfast establishments I've been to, and to have the best breakfast sandwich of all time at an affordable price is always a win. Whether you're in the neighborhood or not, try to stop by The Deli King. (Deli King also serves lunch)

The Deli King: Reigning King of the Breakfast Sandwich