Cracker Barrel Old Country Store

A while back I made an early morning voyage to Cracker Barrel Old Country Store, located in Tewksbury, MA. Joining me on this Breakfast excursion were my associates Nicholas "Nickel Pickel" Dolan, and Madison Lamarre.

Nick, Madison, and I getting ready to make this Breakfast our bitch. (First blog back... gotta come out with a little aggression)

Don't call it a comeback.

I can't count the amount of people texting, calling, emailing, and sending fan mail, begging for me to, "Bring back the Breakfast Blog!" This confused me because last time I checked, it never left. I realize I haven't updated this blog in a while but trust me when I say I've been hard at work. I tried going to college for a bit and realized I'm way to cool for school. Plus, there was no major for Breakfast, so what was the point? I decided to take to the shadows to work on my craft, eating at countless diners, waiting to strike, and expose myself and new findings to the world at the right time. Kind of like Batman... or a child molester. (I'm not a child molester, that would be gross. Just ask any of the fourth graders I hang out with.. I'm cool.)

Batman? Or me eating breakfast? You decide.

Map of sex offenders' locations in the Tewksbury, MA area. As of May 3, 2016, there are 26 registered sex offenders living in Tewksbury. Stay safe. Walk in pairs. 

Steer clear of these guys.

Anyways, I realize Cracker Barrel is a chain, but chains have to be reviewed too. If it's good, you'll have a cheaper than usual breakfast spot you can stop by when you're in a pickle. If it's bad, hopefully my blog post will be able to slowly crush their business, and take them into bankruptcy, where they'll never be open to serve shitty, microwavable food again. Either way, I think it would be wise to inform you about them.

Cracker Barrel got my attention right off the bat with their title, by identifying themselves as a store instead of a restaurant. So I took it upon myself to find out what exactly they're selling. Good pancakes... or lies.


ATMOSPHERE

The first thing you do at Cracker Barrel is walk into the store. Waiting for you is a podium where you put your name in for a table. You then are free to browse the store while waiting to be seated.

A picture of me, showcasing Cracker Barrel's furniture for sale.

Walking into Cracker Barrel is like walking into a Grandparent's dream. In fact, I get a grandparent vibe before even walking in. Outside the store/restaurant are rocking chairs, benches, and oversized checkers, placed there to be showcased to sell and for you to try out and pass time. Everything out there are objects that would be included on the front porch of a rural home down south, owned by a Blanche and Clyde Sawyer, an elderly couple who has been married for 50 years, hanging out with their grandkids and antiquing by day, but owning the bingo room with a cutthroat mentality at night.

Inside of the store and restaurant wasn't much different. I felt like I was walking through some guys old shed on American Pickers (A television show on the history channel). Just a whole lot of random antique/retro stuff hanging from the walls and ceiling. From, candy, to farm equipment, to baby clothes, the store had it all. It was very random but fit very well at the same time. Inside of the restaurant area contained fake antique photos on the walls, with old wooden chairs and tables.

A look at the inside of the store.

Another look at the inside of the store.

Yet another look at the inside of the store.

Various types of soda pop available in store.

Ford Mustang Hat available at Cracker Barrel.

American Pickers

         

Booth where you make reservations to eat.

Madison checking out rural baby clothes for her future little munchkin.

"BUN IN THE OVEN!"

If you know Nick, you know he loves his chocolate! Especially Reese's! (He proceeded to buy this shirt)

A fourth look at the inside of the store... just in case you missed the first three.

A panoramic view of the dining area, featuring Madison and myself.

You could tell the theme here was strong and genuine, because it attracted the exact clientele it was targeting... the elderly. I honestly don't know if it is like this on a regular basis, or if there just happened to be an abundant amount of senior citizens that particular day, but this place was crawling with oldies. Who knows, it could have been a field trip from a nearby nursing home. Either way, the place reeked of adult diapers and wisdom. I kind of liked it.

Overall, Cracker Barrel has nailed the look they were going for. This theme was very well done, so the atmosphere gets a thumbs up from me.

"Maybe if I pretend if I have dementia, I'll get this meal for free."

"Subscribing to life alert was the greatest decision I've ever made."

"Where am I?"

This woman was staring into the camera right over Madison's shoulder... almost as if she knew it was coming. Nick and I believe this may have been future Madison, traveling back in time and coming to Cracker Barrel to warn Present Madison of what is to come in the future.

SERVICE

The service at Cracker Barrel was good. Nothing to lose your shirt over... but good. Very average in most ways, with a few studs here and there. With that being said, our waitress, Kaylin, was a stud in my book. I'll elaborate more on that later, because what really intrigued me was how Cracker Barrel brands their employees with stars to measure their competency on the job.

On the apron of each employee, are sewn on, gold stars. My guesses as to what they might represent are how long you've been working there, how good you are at your job, or even just a mind game the boss likes to play with the employees to keep them on their toes and working hard. (For example: "Why do you have 3 stars when I only have 1?! That's bullshit, you put way to much sugar in that old guys coffee, right after he specifically told you he had diabetes. You suck! I bet you don't even know the Cracker Barrel list of core values. I'm way better than you. This is all political." This causes a competitive nature with in the waiters/waitresses to do better work.) Either way, it was interesting to me because, as a customer, I'd be pretty pissed if they threw some shitty one-star employee my way. (Which is exactly what happened, but my one star happened to be delightful, so I didn't complain. She probably had kept less stars on her apron to stay modest or something.) My business is worth at least two and a half stars. I don't want some amateur fucking up my simple order of pancakes. I want a professional. The stars also prompted me to be very judging towards every employee. To me, anyone two stars or lower was worthless and deserved to be looked down upon.

Anyways, my service experience was good so I'll give Cracker Barrel the okay.

Someone spilled a drink on the floor. Probably a one-star if I had to guess.

Our waitress "Kaylin" rocking her one-star apron. In my Opinion she was a 3 star.

A rare sighting of a young "four star." Most employees work years to get to this status level. He must live and breathe Cracker Barrel. (Again, I don't really know what the stars mean, this is all just a big educated guess.)

This guy had a blank apron. No stars. No name. Nothing. He looked like a "Curtis" to me. A very "Gollum-like" character. I kept my distance as best I could. Curtis was up to something.

 

A young and rowdy "Rising Star" taking orders, clawing his way up the Cracker Barrel food chain, demolishing any one or thing in his way to the top.

Gollum from Lord of The Rings

KAYLIN'S CRAZY NIGHT

Earlier in the "Service" section of this post, I spoke about our waitress, Kaylin, who was an absolute stud. Now, her actual service skills were just average. She took our orders and brought out our food in a timely manner, made a little waitress-small-talk with us... you know, the usual. However, Kaylin grabbed my attention when she wielded the stories of the century, talking to us about her crazy night on the town, and somehow finding the will to show up only 10 minutes late to work the next day. (The story is pretty long so feel free to skipping ahead to the food section if that is what you care about and then coming back to it. Also, viewer discretion is advised.)

It all started with a text. "Come out and party with us!" Kaylin's friends hadn't seen her in a fort night due to her new job at Cracker Barrel, and she missed them dearly. Although she had a 7 am shift the next day she said, "Fuck it, I'm in." She got all gussied up, hopped in the car, and drove to New York City, where she met her friends at time square. They wasted no time getting started. The night was young and they were club hopping like frogs on lily pads in the Mississippi Bayou. The night changed when they took a short cut to the next club through a dark alley, and were approached by a hooded stranger.

The stranger walked up to Kaylin, and offered her a small packet of beans. Naturally... she said, "Fuck no. Get away from me." and proceeded to pace away from the, probably schizophrenic, stranger. 

Finally, Kaylin and her friends reached a club that met their partying needs, and started consuming alcohol at a dangerous rate. They were drinking like it was the end of the world. Absolute bananas. Kaylin's memory began to fade around this part of the story, but before blacking out, she remembered seeing the stranger, the same stranger from the dark alley, behind the bar, serving drinks. She began to freak out.

Her panic was not eased when the stranger's face made eye contact with her. His face began to grow a large grin, as he slowly revealed the small bag of beans he had offered her earlier in the night, and placing them on the bar top. 

Kaylin looked away in horror and averted his gaze. Then, after taking a large gulp of her drink, she noticed something at the bottom of her glass... A small legume. 

Lights flashed. Bohemian Rhapsody by Queen began to blare through the speakers of the club, growing unbearably loud. Kaylin was overwhelmed with fear and anxiety. The room began to spin. She closed her eyes and fell to the floor.

When she felt as if she had stopped spinning, she opened her eyes. Everything had gone silent. There was no one in sight, not even the stranger. She turned around and was greeted by a green door, covered in vines and small bean stalks.

Shaking with fear and anticipation she slowly opened the door, revealing a whole new world. It was an alternate universe, where everything was made from beans, and inhabited by lizard people. She was immediately welcomed by the village of Lizard people, and their leader, who had the voice of the stranger she met in the alley. The stranger/ Lizard People King proceeded to invite her to live there, and be Queen of the Lizard people, becoming immortal.

After serious consideration, Kaylin declined. She couldn't leave behind her friends, family, or her sweet new job at Cracker Barrel. She then proceeded to leave, and almost immediately black out from the amount of alcohol she had consumed. She woke up in bed, not knowing where anyone was, and proceeded to go to work, showing up at 7:10 for her shift. The End. All facts. Completely true.

(Honestly, that's not what Kaylin told me at all. I forgot what she said so I came up with this little short story to fill in the space. Normally, I wouldn't tell you this, but I don't want to break any cyber laws about defamation of character, so I'll come clean. Plus, I don't really know how Kaylin would feel about it, and she was nice enough to take a selfie with us so I didn't want to disrespect her in anyway.)

Selfie with our waitress, Kaylin.

FOOD

Now for the meat and potatoes of the blog (or should I say... pancakes and eggs). The food.

I was very pleasantly surprised by the food at Cracker Barrel. Most chains in the food industry worry only about speed, efficiency, and quantity. They don't give you a very quality meal or experience. However, Cracker Barrel is an exception. This was a rare chain restaurant that could actually compete with some diners with food quality.

Now, Cracker Barrel did take a few shortcuts here and there like any other chain, but they did it in the right place. With cheep paper menus, they save money and can easily replace them if they are ruined.

Another look at the menu.

A look at the menu.

With that being said, they did not cut any corners with the food, and if they did, I didn't notice, nor do I care. Ignorance is bliss. 

Nick and I both ordered buttermilk pancakes with a side of scrambled eggs and bacon. We were not disappointed. The pancakes were pretty big and tasted great. Cooked thin with a crispy edge, but nothing but fluffy pancake in the middle, there were no signs of microwaving here. Just an awesome tasting pancake. Along with the pancakes, we were given small syrup bottles, which were the only thing that they did seem to microwave. Both Nicholas and I agreed that it was an ingenious idea to microwave the syrup, and that it took our meal to the next level. We both thoroughly enjoyed it.

We were satisfied with the pancakes, when suddenly, the bacon and eggs decided to show up to the party. This was honestly some of the best bacon I've ever had. I thought about this long and hard, and I can say with a clear conscience and full heart that this bacon was an absolute game changer. A show stopper if you will. Dynamite. It was a little stringy (my preference), but also somehow crispy at the same time. It complimented the eggs and rest of the meal beautifully. By the way, the eggs were great too, but there's not much you can do when the bacon decides to steal the show.

Nick showcasing his meal, right before inhaling it at an alarming but impressive rate.

Me, getting focused and preparing my taste buds for glory.

Now enough about the experience Nick and I had. Madison ordered eggs with sausage and home fries, along with a side of apple sauce and grits. Overall, a pretty simple meal and kind of hard to mess up, and according to Madison, they didn't. She could not stop raving about the applesauce or home fries. "THEY WERE TO DIE FOR!", she exclaimed on the ride home. From what she told me, it was great... besides the grits.  

From what I hear, not many people like grits. They're a dish of coarsely ground corn kernels boiled with water or milk. To me, it sounds pretty gross. I've never really bothered trying them. To me, they resemble mashed potatoes, but without the great taste. However, some people believe they resemble steak, according to profound rapper Young Thug ("I scoop them grits on da plate, and she thought it was steak" -Young Thug). I have a great idea for grits. Get rid of them. replace them with something good, like maybe actual mashed potatoes, or steak. Grits seems like a food the amish created to eat. I won't penalize Cracker Barrel because of their grits. It's just not a good food. There's no way to make them tasty or appealing.

The lower half of Madison's face looking towards the camera as she enjoys her meal. Not depicted is future Madison, who is hidden in the background behind her right shoulder... watching her.

Overall I enjoyed my experience at Cracker Barrel. I wasn't expecting much, but was pleasantly surprised by the quality of the food service and atmosphere. On top of this, the food was cheap and filled you up so you get a good bang for your buck. If you're looking for a quick, cheap place to have breakfast, Cracker Barrel is a great option. (Side note: they also serve lunch and dinner, but they're famous for their breakfast.)



Cracker Barrel Old Country Store: Best of the best chain restaurants

Nan's Café

What seemed like it was way back in 1970' somethin, I journeyed to Nan's Cafe, located in North Reading, MA with a rather large group of associates. This group included Breakfast Blog veterans Nicholas "Nicky" Labranche, and Liam Sullivan. Also accompanying me were some new faces including Michelle Bettencourt, Alexa Mcguire, Kaelin Page, Alex Panagiotakos, and Brooke Sturtevant.

Michelle, Nicky, Alexa, Kaelin, Alex, Liam, Brooke, and myself preparing for an intense breakfast session.

I had received many good reviews about Nan's Cafe… almost too many. Something was up. It seemed whoever I asked where to go to breakfast, they gave me a long narrative as to why I should visit Nan's. It was being shoved down my throat. So, I decided to put Nan's to the test and see if this truly was a great breakfast establishment, or just a fad that was being hyped up by a bunch teenage girls, like, "froyo."

(For anyone who says Froyo isn't a fad, let me hit you with some knowledge. (I would like to apologize for my colorful language in advance.)

Instead of buying all of their buildings, and starting their company from the ground up, making a lasting impression on the public like ice-cream once did, Froyo leased all of their chain-spots for only two years. They knew it wouldn't last, so they didn't fully commit to their business idea. And what do you know, just as the owners had predicted, Froyo sales have plummeted in recent months. Why? Because it was a FAD. Have you noticed Froyo locations around your house disappearing left and right, while the classic ice cream stands we know and love have stood tall and strong. Yeah me too. Fuck you Froyo... you fad.)

Outside look at Nan's Cafe.

ATMOSPHERE

Nan's was different from most diner's. Very small and unnoticeable from the outside, but don't let the size fool you, this diner packs a punch. The interior design really empowers you and makes you feel good. This wasn't just a vibe that I picked up from the place either. There are literally motivational quotes and pictures all over the walls. Honestly, walking into Nan's I wasn't feeling so hot. I had a stomach ache, a head ache, I felt bloated, and I thought to myself, "How am I going to make it through this meal without throwing up all over everyone's faces." When I sat down and asked for a water, (which I never do because water's boring, but anything else at the time may not have agreed with my digestive system) I looked up. I was then reminded by the walls of Nan's that I need to, "Be Amazing" and that I, "Glitter, Sparkle, and Shine." My spirits were lifted instantaneously. I needed to stuff my face full of food.. not just for myself, but for you.. the readers. I needed to be amazing, and as god as my witness, I left it all out on the field.

Aside from the positive reinforcement, there wasn't much of a theme here. There were some pictures of antique cars on the walls, a, "Where the Wild Things Are" picture, a painting of nan's, and carpet. All in all it was all over the place. Very random, but good random in my opinion. I respect that the owner of Nan's just decorates the place with whatever the hell they want. She answers to nobody. Overall I give the atmosphere two thumbs up.

Front room of Nan's

Front room of Nan's with Nicky

Pictures of classic cars inside Nan's

Panoramic view of Nan's.

Mural of Nan's Cafe inside of Nan's Cafe. A little inception going on here. Also,  Liam and Nicky's faces.

"Where The Wild Things Are" picture

Motivation plastered on the walls of Nan's with part of Brooke's face.

More motivation and part of Alexa's face

SERVICE

The service at Nan's was pristine. I'm going to leave this section short because words can't justify how involved the owner/waitress' were with their customers. They made you feel like a close family friend, paying a visit too their house for a little brunch, and to catch up on the scuttlebutt of the neighborhood.

As a testament to how friendly they were, the owner took a selfie with me. That's right, a selfie. Dare you to find another place where that'll happen.

On top of their friendliness, they knew the menu front to back and what was in each meal. They made sure you made the right decision on what to eat. Overall, service was awesome.

Selfie I took with the owner of Nan's

LIAM

Liam McQueen Sullivan. Liam has been one of my closest acquaintances since the 7th grade. Overall just a great human. If their is one thing I know about Liam, he is different. He really just marches to the beat of his own drummer. This is what makes him special, and why he is a regular here at the Breakfast Blog. I took this opportunity to talk about Liam because he really showed what he was all about during this particular visit. 

To start, throughout the meal Liam mysteriously would leave the table over and over again to take calls outside. When asked what they were about he would reply with, "Nothing." or just not answer at all. I loved how he kept everyone at the table on their toes. For me, this was normal Liam behavior in his natural habitat so I paid no attention to it.. but for everyone else, this was one of their first Liam encounters. Some were worried, some were just bothered by who/what he was talking to. It amazed me that he could play with the emotions of almost everyone at the table with such a simple action. And, as the late Billy Mays from Oxyclean once said, "But wait, There's more."

When paying for the food, Liam pulls out a few $2 bills and slaps them on the table like an absolute baller. He didn't care about the rarity/luck of having a $2 bill, he just cared about what they could buy him. He didn't give a shit. Might as well have given him a couple of 1's grandma Sullivan! Because Liam's cashing this shit in no matter what. (Grandparents are usually the ones to give out $2 bills as a gift. Not sure if this is how Liam got them, but they had to come from somewhere, so just roll with me here.)

[]D[][]\/[][]D (pimp)

Liam's $2 bills

FOOD

Now for the food. The food here was spectacular. Not sure if I used this quote from How I Met Your Mother before, but this meal was nothing short of god speaking to us, through food.

We'll start off with the most popular meal at our table. The Scrambler. The scrambler was the special of the day so most of us thought we should give it a try. All around… great reviews. It consisted of scrambled eggs (My favorite form of egg. If you did't know that by now then get out of my face.), tomatoes, and SPINACH. That's right, spinach. With eggs. Absolute insanity. In this chaos of a plate however, there was harmony. All of these wild flavors sloshing around in my mouth somehow found piece, creating what was a Mona Lisa of egg dishes.

Next was my own dish that I got along with the scrambler ( I have a large appetite) called, The Banana Nut French Toast. It tasted just as good as it sounded. Simply just french toast, covered in banana Nuts, banana, powdered sugar, and caramel. Truly magnificent. The first bite was just as good as the last. Along with this, it was big enough to satisfy my hunger.

Next I'll talk about the food I didn't have the pleasure of tasting. Liam got chocolate chip pancakes, and Nicky got an oreo pancake. My first impression of their meals was that they wouldn't leave hungry. The pancakes were massive. Being 2 inches thick with a circumference that took up the whole plate, they were enormous. Nicky said said that the size wasn't just there to make up for lack of taste either, and that they were delicious. I would have asked Liam what his opinion was, but he was busy taking calls, and talking about how if a girl ever punched him, he would pull a knife on her. ( He didn't specify whether he'd actually stab his female attacker as well or if it was just a scare tactic to stop the hypothetical altercation.)

Kaelin got a regular breakfast sandwich… or so we thought. When it came out my jaw dropped. The sandwich was enormous just like the pancakes. Large servings seemed to be a reoccurring theme here at Nan's. It's as if all of the food had been going to the gym with future Syracuse football star, Shy Cullen, or something. It was astounding.

Lastly, I want to talk about a must have at Nan's. To me, this is what made this place great. The blueberry pancake ice-cream. It was a serving of ice cream with blueberry pancake mixed in. Although the title is simple and self-explanatory, the taste was not. I let out a long grunt of pleasure after the first bite, and then continued to moan and weep tears of joy as I continued to eat it. Absolutely spectacular. The only downside to this dish is I ran out. I could've eaten it for eternity.

On top of the taste of all the food, it was well presented as well. All of the dishes were presented in a way that seemed like they should be on the food network. This isn't a necessity to good food, but it's a nice thing to have. Overall, the food gets an A++.

Nan's Menu

Banana Nut French Toast

The Scrambler

Alex showcasing The Scrambler, with Kaelin and Brooke gossiping in the background.

Liam sizing up his pancakes.

Kaelin smiling with her breakfast sandwich. So big that George Bush may mistake it for a WMD.

Alexa going in on her Blueberry Pancake Ice-cream

Nicky and I posing for a picture before our high school graduation with future Syracuse football player, Shy Cullen.

Overall the experience at Nan's was great. A little far from home for me to be a regular, but again, just great. On top of this, the pricing was spectacular. We ordered our small feast for around $8-$10 dollars each, which is an absolute steal in the breakfast world.

Nan's Cafe: Strongly Recommended