On a date undisclosed to the public, I made a trip to The Deli King Restaurant, located in Tewksbury, MA. Joining me on this journey to find inner piece with the breakfast gods were my associates, Alec Espinola, Matthew Leighton (who will also be referred to as Leightonemore), and Kenneth Trott.
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(From left to right) Kenneth, Leightonemore, Alec, and myself ready to tie this breakfast to the bedposts and show it a good time.
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Guess who's back, back, back. Back again. I'm back, back, back. Tell a friend. Guess who's back. Guess who's back. (If you couldn't tell, I quoted Eminem's hit song, "Without Me" a bit there. I used it to introduce the re-return of Bacon, Eggs, and Passion. The best jokes are the ones you have to explain.)
Leading up to this trip, my associates Matthew and Alec were talking my ear off about The Deli King. So, one day on the basketball courts, after turning Alec's ankles into jelly while bumping Wiz Khalifer's, "Bake Sale" through the stereo, I decided to squeeze them into my busy schedule and made them an appointment with Bacon, Eggs, and Passion. I had to see if this Deli was the "King" of anything, or if they sat upon a throne of lies.
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| Eminem |
ATMOSPHERE
Upon walking into The Deli King, my immediate thought was, "Whoa, this place is Italian as fuck." Like almost too Italian. Out of the four guys cooking behind the counter, 3 of them were named Vinny, and the fourth was named Rocco. This place was 100% a front for the Italian Mob, and you cannot convince me otherwise. "Maybe it's just a nice diner run by an Italian family Aidan." Please. I am as woke as they come. The dim lights in this diner were not to allow more natural sunlight to come in through the windows, but to make it nearly impossible to confirm any one's identity to the police or a certain cousin. If any family owned this diner it was the Corleone's (If you don't know this name watch, "The Godfather" for me one time.) Another huge red flag is that this place is CASH ONLY (ATM available in restaurant). Really? How more obvious can you be? I wouldn't have been the slightest bit surprised if a fight between a biker gang and a group of well dressed Italian Men broke out (That's a reference from, "A Bronx Tail." If you haven't seen a lot of classic mob movies, this is going to be a confusing part of the blog for you.) Part of me thinks Alec may be connected to whoever was running this whole bamboozle based on the light-cocoa tint of his skin, but I can neither confirm or deny this. Kenneth, being the Orange-Headed Irishman that he is, was receiving dirty looks left and right. With all of this being said, I was keeping my head on a swivel. Being the King of Breakfast, I can see why people may want to come after me, and I don't plan on getting whacked any time soon.
Aside from all of this, the Italian's also have very sophisticated taste. The atmosphere at this place was exquisite yet simple, and warrants two thumbs up from me.
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| Poorly lit panoramic view of The Deli King |
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| The Deli King Prides themselves on the good feedback of the locals, as well as a clean bill of health |
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| Kenny admiring The Deli King's many accolades |
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| Deli King booths with a great view of the street, maybe to see if any unwanted visitors have a certain agenda... |
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| Leightonemore contemplating what he will stuff in his face hole |
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| Action shot of Alec pointing out his meal of choice |
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| The Corleone Family |
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| A Bronx Tale |
SERVICE
The Deli King is unlike traditional diners, where the service you get are the cooks. You get in line, order your food, and then pay at the register. You then seat yourself. Cafeteria style. Only thing I noticed about the "service" was, like I said earlier, everyone was Italian. Not even a Greek guy pretending to be Italian. I'm talking "Having a poorly done Italian flag tattoo" Italian. That's it. One comment Leightonemore made about the service is how they treat everyone equally in that, "You could come up in here blasted on PCP and they'd serve us just the same." Nothing else to be said for service.
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| A questionably placed tattoo of Italy. |
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| I google image searched, "PCP Users" to give my readers awareness on why you shouldn't do PCP and the only person who came up was Ex-Patriot TE Aaron Hernandez. |
PAINTING
They say a picture is worth a thousand words, and this immaculate portrait placed above our booth had a lot to say. I've always felt I've had a special connection to art ever since I watched the first 15 minutes of The DaVinci Code and changed the station to watch South Park. Needless to say, this masterpiece had a lot to say. It is not even paralleled by those of Van Gogh and Banksy. Just by one look, I could tell this work was rich in history. It also takes a very mature set of eyes and mindset to truly appreciate art of such magnitude in this oily scenery, so while I break down this work for you, viewer discretion is advised.
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| "The Town Of Progress" painted by Frank |
The first part of this painting that stuck out to me was the appearance of The Secretariat's father, The Accountant. That's right, The Accountant is the father of the Triple-Crown champion, The Secretariat. The cart The Accountant is hitched to is towing the seed that will one day flourish into a champion. It is also towing milk, which you can imagine became confusing and is a recipe for a disaster, which would also explain the look of distress on the milk man's face. Imagine, one wrong, thick, stringy gulp, and The Secretariat would have never made history that fateful day at the Belmont Stakes.
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| The Accountant, The Milk Man, and millions of little Secretariats waiting for "the big race" |
Next we have the Fairgrounds General Store. This historical store was the first in its class, in that it was the first place in the world where condoms were made available for purchase. It started the Birth Control Movement of 1436, but by doing this, the store had to publicly secede from The Church of Eden (depicted in the left of the painting) which later evolved to become the first Church of Scientology in Tewksbury in 1516.
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| Fairgrounds General Store made practicing safe sex, safe. Old witch craft and satanic rituals were preformed before coitus to prevent pregnancy before said movement. |
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| Tewksbury Church of Scientology |
If you look to the far right building in this oily masterpiece you will find the law offices of Berny Feinstein. These offices were established in 64 B.C. specializing in work-injury compensation, and wrongfully placed vaginal-mesh, that could tear and lead to Mesothelioma. Fun Fact: These law offices are still operating today. If you feel you have been wronged in anyway, contact Burny Feinstein's law group at 1-978-407-1863.
The tree peaking up next to the law offices also has bark full of rich history. It is a special Dogwood Tree, only found in Tewksbury, Massachusetts. Below this particular Dogwood is where the Tewksbury Witch Trials of 2003 were held. Many wicken and wrongfully accused sorcerers were hung from the farthest right branch, and still haunt the streets of Tewksbury to this day.
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| Law offices of Birny Feinstein. It's your money and you need it now. |
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| Haunted Dogwood Tree |
FOOD
Now the moment you've all been chomping at the bit for, the meal. In this section, I always like to start with the drinks.
Alec, Leightonemore, and I all started with the classic breakfast beverage, Orange Juice. Now, unless you get O J, chocolate milk, coffee, or water (for expense purposes) as your drink, I immediately judge you. That is the Holy Trinity of Breakfast Beverages right there and to break that Trinity just shows what kind of person you are (a shitty one). The only person I try not to judge is Kenneth because he has a condition that if he doesn't have soda with every meal of the day he will vomit and die. Ironically this condition is also causing Kenneth to vomit and die, but in a slower fashion. The Deli King also serves beer, which is a little aggressive, but I looked inward and thought, "Sometimes aggression is a necessary thing." Beer could one day find itself into the holy breakfast beverage trinity. I'd have to be talked into it. Anyways this Orange Juice was immaculate. Alec told me the Oranges were freshly picked from their family Gardens on the shores of Sicily, and sailed directly to The Deli King. Before my first sip I wasn't sure but after just one gulp, I was positive this was Sicilian Orange Juice.
Kenneth said his coke tasted normal.
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| A lot of alcohols in a cooler. Looks to be a sufficient amount for about 75 people. |
Now Alec and Leightonemore had been talking big game about the Deli King's signature breakfast sandwich, "The Boot King" so I felt obligated to see what the scuttlebutt was all about. I ordered it with extra bacon and a side of chocolate chip pancakes. I ordered the pancakes because right before getting in line, Leightonemore pulled me aside behind a plant so no one could see us and whispered in my ear, "The pancakes are fire. Fire like Firestone Tires." I was intrigued, anxious, and alarmed all at the same time, so I pulled the trigger on the pancakes, and found myself on edge until sitting down at the booth. Alec and Kenneth followed suit with their own variations of the pancakes (blueberry and BANANA). Leightonemore was not as hungry, and was pleased with just a Boot King.
Now, as you know I don't hand out compliments lightly, but this had to be the best breakfast sandwich I've ever had in my life. I mean, whoa. The Italians know what they're doing when it comes to pimping out a simple breakfast sandwich. To start, the bacon was cooked to perfection. Not to crisp, and not to stringy, just how I like it. Very Goldilocks-Baby-Bear-Porridge-Esque. The next flavor to rush into my mouth were the eggs. Two of them. Fried how the gods intended. (Now I'm normally a scrambled egg guy, but asking the waitress/waiter/chef to throw scrambled eggs on a breakfast sandwich is a serial killer move, and if I ever witness anyone do it, they shouldn't be surprised when I stop answering their texts.) And then when you think its over, the home fries perform an all out blitzkrieg on your taste buds and remind you to never give up on your dreams, no matter how unrealistic they may seem. By the time this happens, all three elements of the sandwich are swirling around, mid-orgy in your mouth like a sexual washing machine. I was left speechless and satisfied. So satisfied actually, that I don't have much recollection of eating my chocolate chip pancakes. I don't remember them ruining my meal though, so they must have been pretty good.
The Deli King: Reigning King of the Breakfast Sandwich
